I feel so naked waiting in the pub
I sometimes wonder where should I put my face
But I look at the clock and it's early
Sit back, await my friends arrival

At the Frog and Horse, it's a daily gathering
And it's still 5.30 and everybody's thirsty
We're in for quite a night

8 O'clock and we're tanked up in the pub
We've sunk a few jars served by our Madame
What a barrel of laughs we are ha ha it's not funny
Everyone's got merry, you don't think we've had too many
Like the man on the telly with the great big belly

Now what's that number advertised?
Phone that helpline, phone that helpline!!!
The sensible adult thing to do
First I'll have a drink and another think
I've a real ale problem
When I was young my Dad said, "Son you wanna be a real man"
The home brew in the shed goes straight to your head
It confirmed my doubts he's just a lager lout
With a beer pressure point to prove

I'm feeling naked and I feel unloved
They ordered a cab while I was throwing up
I'll have a whisky Alexander and a comfortable screw
Now I'm drunk as a skunk loaded up much in the manner
I'm accustomed to

But Madame's seen it all before, she knows there's a better way, hey!
Listen to her she's got advice, phone that helpline number instead
One last martini shaken not stirred, I'm blurred, slurred, disturbed
Cos I'm starting to hear voices, so poison me with choices
I'm teetering right on the edge
When I wake up I'll be sober, but the problem won't be over
It's the clinic or the graveyard
Either I dry out or die out!